That time I was ridiculously bored..

Two posts in one night? That shows how little I actually do with my life. 

Right. So some of you might know that I have a brain full of ridiculous and pointless facts that nobody in the entire world could possible care about. And a lot of them are pure ridiculous and probably not true anyway. If I could remember my college work as well as I remember these then I'd be doing far better. Here's a few for ya to ponder! 

1.     Cat's are lactose intolerant (you're not supposed to give them milk. It's a myth)

2.     Walt Disney actually had a fear of mice (so obviously it's logical to create a cartoon about a mouse)

3.     Everyone's tongue print is different (I really don't know why I know this but I do!)

4.     Arachibutyrophobia is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth (I just thought this was funny)

5.     It's impossible to lick your elbow (everybody knows this)

6.     Apparently (because it's probably not true) people who suck ice cubes have more sexual desires than those who don't (ridiculous right?)

7.     French speaking residents of Belgium are called a Walloon (maybe I'll be one, one day!)

8.     You can't hum while holding your nose closed

9.     It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open (please don't try it)

10. Coca-Cola says that only two people know the recipe and they aren't allowed to travel on the same plane in case it crashes. (what if one dies, then the other dies, will there be no more coca-cola?)

11. It's not possible to tickle yourself

12. Ketchup used to be a medicine

13. SWAG originally meant 'Secretly we are gay'

14. Coca-cola would be green if colouring wasn't added to it

15. Prostitution has been observed in penguins and chimpanzees (what a random thing to observe)

16. On average a person spends an overall of 2 years on the phone

17. On average right handed people live nine times longer than left handed people (if this is the case I am royally screwed.)

Okay methinks I should end it here. There is one thing and one thing only that we have learned from this post: I really really need to find something better to do with my time, this is starting to get ridiculous. 

Who needs grown ups anyway?

If somebody had told me that being a grown up was so difficult. I would have opted against it. (yeah like that's possible.). It's strange when I think about it. I remember the times when all I had to worry about was who I was going to hang around with that day, or what I was going to spend my next installment of 'pocket money' on. I mean, can anyone pinpoint the exact moment that they stopped being kids? It happens so suddenly that you can't even comprehend that it's happening until it's been and gone. In the blink of an eye you're faced with questions that you never even thought about before. What school should I go to? Should I trust these people? How am I going to afford to live from day to day? The things you always heard your parents talking about become real, become something that you have to learn to cope with. It's overwhelming to say the very least.

As we get older we realise that life isn't always a ray of sunshine, despite what we may have previously thought. It starts to get far more serious and challenging than before. It's one hurdle after another. Time and time again we have to prove to ourselves that we can surpass everything and anything, sometimes it's extremely difficult, other times not so much. We make decisions based on how we feel in the heat of the moment, these can be the right ones, or unfortunately a lot of the time they can be so very wrong. But this is nothing to feel disheartened about because in the end you made the decision, dealt with the consequences and moved on. It rapidly becomes a tiny tiny thing in a long line of other things. It becomes insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

I used to look forward to being a grown up. So many opportunities and experiences to be explored. New people to meet. New everything. It all looked so simple from that perspective. Like it was a piece of cake. Oh how very wrong was I? I mean I'm not saying life is bad. Cause it really isn't. It's actually quite beautiful to be honest. I do love life. Most of the time. It's just those times that seem so rough, so rough that it feels like they'll never pass. But they do and they will. In that moment though it's like there's this rain cloud that won't go away, you know the ones that literally stay for days? (okay, that means every cloud in Ireland,I know but just roll with me here). Eventually though, the rain goes away. And what to we find? No rain. Duh.

Lets be honest with ourselves here. We've all made mistakes, some big, some small. At some time or another we've made absolute gobshites out of ourselves. But it's okay, why you ask? Because we live in a world where one gains respect by drinking a large bottle of an alcoholic beverage in under an hour. In my oh so valuable opinion, this gives us the right to act like utter eejits because if that's how you gain respect these days. So be it. Gone are the days where respect meant role models and good attitude. Oh world, what it happening?

I tend to just throw caution into the wind these days. There's no point holding back right? I mean, each day we grow a little older. And although I'm still only a mere twenty (yikes) years old, it feels like I've been on the earth a whole lot longer. Maybe that's because of obstacles I've had to overcome or things I've experienced. I really couldn't tell you why. But I've learned that people are going to have something to say about you either way, so why not give them what they want? Give them something to talk about. Let them waste their precious time thinking about you. Then you'll have won.

In a particularly difficult time of my life a wise (most of the time) man (my Daddy) said to me 'sometimes I think these things were made to test us'. I for one, could not believe he had said it. I mean, I hadn't had a lot of 'inspirational' pep talks with my dad over the years so this definitely made me think. And I realised he's right. I mean what would be the other purpose of challenging times other than to test our coping capabilities. If these are all tests, I want to pass them all. I don't want to fail at life. What a disappointment that would be. The trick is to defeat life, not let life defeat you. Lets let that be a lesson learned.

Another look into my random thoughts. Until next time my little chickens.

"Where'd the days go, when all we did was play? And the stress that we were under wasn't stress at all just a run and a jump into a harmless fall" - Paolo Nutini

Alcohol induced shenanigans.

So here we find ourselves in the month of July. Time goes fast doesn't it? The topic for this post came quite easily for me after a spontaneous adventure last Saturday night. What may the topic be you ask? Drunken Antics. There. I said it. It is a post full of the ridiculous things that people (I) do when drunk.

Isn't it strange when you think about the nights you've had a little too much to drink. Don't deny it people, it's happened to the best of us. You get to wondering what actually happened during those hours that you can't recall. What did I say? Where did I go? Who was I with? Did I steal something? These are all things that race through our minds the following day. The fear. One of the many things I hate about drinking. I mean the drinking is great in the moment and you always have the best craic imaginable but the next day you actually feel like you are literally about to die. Like everything in the entire world is out to get you. Once it was so bad I was scared to go outside. I don't know what the hell I thought was going to happen if, god forbid, I walk to the shop. Of course this is all part of the affects of alcohol. Yet, we still continue to drink. The human race confuses me once again. Time after time. No matter how much we've fecked up at the hands of alcohol in the past, we continue. Although don't people say drunk words speak sober thoughts? Gosh, I fear what I've been telling people. Meh, who cares. They were probably drunk themselves. See. That's the funny thing. We almost always forget that the majority of the time the other person/people were drunk to so the likelihood of them remembering is quite slim. Unfortunately for me, my friends have great memory after nights out...

I'll tell you a story. Last Saturday night, it was my friend's 21st, so naturally we all went out for a few celebrations. A few turned into a lot. Drink after drink. Shot after shot. My inhibitions rapidly worsened. Everything started to become a blur. I mean, I don't remember a lot after one o'clock. I'm not ashamed though (clearly, I'm telling this story to the internet) because I have not been so diabolically drunk in a very long time. Now, normally people go to the pub, drink or whatever, then (because they know they should sleep) they go home. My drunk brain does not have this rationality. My drunk brain decides that it's a good idea to go drinking 'down the 'nal' (judge me, I don't care) as we so like to call it. I had never done this before. It was a new experience. One that I only partly remember however. It was good craic, this I do remember. I recall that my brain also thought it would be a good idea to go paddle in the river. In my clothes. It a was a good idea. Until I fell in, so ya know, that was cold. I remember being cold. Then, if I hadn't already displayed myself as a gobshite, I decided to lie down in the grass and admire the buttercups, typical drunken happenings as you all probably know. Never in a sober state have I admired buttercups. I mean, they're only yellow. What does drunk me think is so pretty about them? I'll have to ask her. This is the extent of my recollection of Saturday night, it was a good time though. I had needed to let loose for quite a while and I think it is safe to say that I accomplished that task. So there you have it, my spontaneous adventure landed me in a hilarious situation. College has changed me I tell you. The amount of silly things I have done has sky rocketed since beginning. Between walking into shop shutters and sleeping against flower pots (all alcohol induced) I have enough stories to last a lifetime, why be embarrassed? Youth is sacred, it doesn't last forever. I could tell you plenty more stories (that have been recounted to me by others) but I'm not sure they're even safe for the vast space that is the internet so you'll just have to do without.

I also think it's interesting to watch other people when they're drunk. It's like you meet their alter egos. Sometimes it's entertaining, other times not so much. The stories you hear from drunk people are most definitely one of a kind. And I'm pretty sure extremely exaggerated. Oh my god, you jumped out of a plane without a parachute and didn't die? No drunk person, I'm almost certain you had a parachute or else you would not be standing here in a drunken state talking to me. (not a real story, just an example.). Also they always try to tell you they're younger than they are. You're 25? You have grey hair and wrinkles. Uh-Uh don't think so mister, nice try though. Some people are violent. I try to avoid these at all costs, I'm out to have a good time, not die. Some are absolute perves. No! You cannot chat me up person who is three times my age. Ugh. However, even if some of these memories can be quite disturbing for us, they can all build up to make pretty good story material and one things for sure, you'll always remember those times. I do laugh when I think about the crazy times I've had on nights out, sometimes I laugh at myself for being so ridiculous, other times I laugh at others for being so god damn entertaining. But hey, it's never gonna stop right? So why not embrace the mad and weird times? After all life's gotta have a bitta spice. Or else it's just plain boring.

While it's good to go out and have the craic with a bitta alcohol thrown in, I feel obliged to add that you should most definitely be careful when it comes to alcohol. Especially all you young'uns out there who've yet to find their happy medium. Don't over do it on the experimenting. Trust me, I've been on the wrong side of alcohol one too many times. It ain't too pretty. Go out, have fun, laugh and be silly. You're only young once, make the best of it while you can.

Why Oh Why?

This post is about things I don't understand (you might not care but I'm going to tell you anyway!). Why do people think it's necessary to add frills, flowers and bows etc. to the majority of girls clothing? We're not all in favor of this particular fashion trend. Some of us like to dress in shirts and jeans. It may not be typical attire for girls but who cares? There is absolutely no need what so ever to add frills, to like EVERYTHING, does it not itch really bad? I. don't. like. frilly. things.

Another thing. When I watch TV in the evenings, you know, after a long hard day of doing absolutely nothing (it's tiring stuff really), my family decide to not talk but shout to one another during the show and then during the ad breaks they shut up. Why? This really confuses me. Ad breaks are vital talking time. Nobody cares about ads. Don't. interrupt. my. watching. TV.

Algebra. It makes absolutely no sense to me. Never did. To this day I have not used it since leaving school. What was the point in learning it? Simple. There is none. Although, a maths teacher once told me that it is used when building a rocket ship, cause ya know, that was totally next on my list of things to do. It. is. useless. (except for those who study mathematical things of course)

Wrapping paper. I love it, don't get me wrong or anything. But. You wrap all these gifts, they look extremely pretty. Then you rip all that paper off and throw it out. Isn't that a waste of money? Why buy it for it to be ripped off days later. I've resorted to buying bags, at least you can reuse these and  I hate wasting money. Just. be. practical.

Ireland's weather. What up with that? I know the majority of you guys will agree with me. Snow in April? Rain in July? Sun in November? What is going on? It frustrates me not knowing the seasons, this is something that is essential to know. Ireland. quit. being. bipolar.

Fake tan. Now this I really don't understand. People, we're Irish, we're not supposed to be tanned. It's like the law or something. And like sometimes (a lot of the time) it looks orange. Actually, the other day I saw this girl and she had fake tan on but it looked like she forgot to finish it because it stopped at her ankles. It was pretty obvious that tan was not real. Plus, your face always looks far lighter than the rest of your body. That's not supposed to be the case. But ya know, if that's what you're into work away. I'll be stickin' to the traditional white. I'm pale and proud!

High Heels. Good god. I tried them. I gave up. They hurt. They're unstable. They're a lot of unnecessary hassle, sure just throw on the oul converse and you'll be grand! No need for all that stilt (to me, they feel like stilts)  malarkey.  All that balancing is just too much concentration. No bueno dude, no bueno.

People. I just don't get them at all. They go out in little to no clothing in the winter time (are you not cold?!?). They complain about a ridiculous amount of things. They never know what they want. And the thing I don't understand the most about people (including myself) is why they just can't be direct. If everybody was direct about what they feel/think (okay, maybe not everything, I don't want to know everything) then the world would be a more understanding place.

Finally, I. don't. get. Snuggies. A blanket with sleeves? Have you never heard of a dressing-gown? And why is it open at the back? That means only the front of you is warm. That defeats the purpose of blanket methinks.And lets not forget it looks absolutely ridiculous (and please don't even try to tell me it doesn't cause I will turn and walk the other way).  It is one of the most pointless things invented in the world. Along with the pet massager (why would I want to massage my pet?) and the pizza fork (I don't eat pizza with a fork, so why would I want a pizza fork?). These things exist. I swear.

Cajun chicken bagel without the chicken?

So recently I started a new job. Well, new in the sense that I haven't worked in that particular premises before. However, I have been a waitress since I was fifteen. Now, the title may seem strange but there is a funny story behind it which I will proceed to tell you. Yesterday was my first day on the deli (in this job), as you might guess I was kind of nervous about this as it is very stressful and a lot to remember in one day. So as I was being trained these two people came to the counter. Now was my time to shine, to show my skills. Or so I thought. The two customers asked for a toasted Cajun chicken bagel each, which was grand, pretty straight forward. I mean, there's a list on the side of the fridge with the ingredients on it so ya know, just follow that and I'll be flying it. I went ahead and made the bagels anyway and gave them to the customers. Shouldn't have done that. Why you ask? Wait for it..

I FORGOT THE BLOODY CHICKEN. I mean seriously. I know I'm a bit on the daft side at the best of times but the clue is in the name, it's a Cajun chicken bagel. I don't know about you folks but I'd say it's pretty darn obvious what's in that bagel. I can't believe I did that.. (but really it's a very typical me thing to do)

And while we're on the topic of funny stories here's another one for ya. Last summer while my Mam was away, I decided I'd be good and clean the house (I swear this wasn't because I had people coming over for a house party or something..pfft...who would do that while parents are away?). Anyway, there's this mirror that my Mam has wanted to hang in the downstairs bathroom for yonks now. So I thought, can't be that hard? I decided I'd try my hand at D.I.Y. My nearest and dearest know that I'm a very clumsy person (I know, odd trait for a waitress) so this was most definitely not my forte. But sure never know unless you try right? So I went ahead and drilled holes in the wall (after measuring the distances of course), then put the screws in the wall etc, etc. but then, when I tried to put the mirror up, it didn't fit. I could have sworn I measured it properly. I was wrong. So I took out most of the screws but went I got to the last one, it got stuck in the god damn wall! I couldn't get it out, I even got people to try at my party but it didn't work! In the end I hung a compact mirror on it and hoped my Mam wouldn't notice. She did. It was probably funnier at the time but I mean come on..those of you who know me, can you imagine me trying to hang a mirror? I think I overestimate my abilities..a lot. So now we have a random screw and multiple holes in our bathroom wall, and people still ask questions.. 

Moral of these stories: 

1. Don't enter the waiting profession. Ever. Trust me, it's not as fun or easy as it looks. And you forget all sorts of things. Like chicken in a bagel.

2. Don't be a feminist and think you can D.I.Y. I mean, please, you will hurt yourself with things like hammers and drills. These are men's jobs. Screw the feminist movement. 

You called your child what now?

Hey there people of earth. Now, some of you may know, others will not, that I have been a writer from a very young age. Songs, Poems, Stories, Screenplays, you name it, I write it. I used to be very private about my writing but recently with the encouragement of friends and family I have decided to become more open about it. And what better way to do that but to start a blog? Recently I've seen an increase in the amount of people using blogs so I said to myself why not jump on that bandwagon? I'm pretty sure my family are sick to the bones of my rantin' and ragin' so maybe I should express my thoughts to the vast universe that is the internet.

There was one thing in particular that came to mind when I was thinking about a topic for my first post; The utterly ridiculous names that celebrities give to their children. I mean whats up with that? Do you want your children to be bullied? Apple? Peaches? Blue Ivy? I. Just. Don't. Get. It. I'm not sure what the purpose of these names are! Okay yeah, naming your child Paris or Brooklyn, after cities..these are normal-ish. But fruit  or colours? Why? It blows my mind. Its makes me sad to think what happened to the good oul traditional names like Mary or John. Did they get lost in transit? 

Do these people think they need more attention? What if everybody named their children bizarre things? Like they just picked the first thing they saw. People would be walking around with names like 'Chair' or 'Desk'. I don't understand how they can think these names are perfectly acceptable. I feel bad for these kids. They're in for a long ride. But hey, maybe they like their names? Who knows. The world is crazy.

And that is where I'll leave you for now, think about that for a while (but not too hard). Until next time my fellow beings!