Random tales from a random brain!

Salut tout le monde! I hope all goes well where ever you lovely folk may be. This really isn't a post about anything remotely specific or interesting, merely a series of photos that display antics that occur in my daily life. I don't know why I willingly choose to display my ridiculousness across the internet but I do, and I have no regrets about doing so either.

On Monday I decided I'd be slightly domesticated and make Banoffee Pie (because let's be honest why study when you can make things?), anyway off I set to the supermarket to buy the ingredients. It hadn't occurred to me before setting foot into the supermarket that they would not supply the same products that I would normally buy in Ireland, I thought about just throwing in the towel and giving up on the idea of baking, but then I thought 'No, I can totally do this, I just gotta look carefully for the things I need'. So bananas, they were pretty simple..I mean they look the same in every country. Digestive biscuits, lucky for me they sell McVities so that was a pinch of salt. Butter and cream, same old story they have those in every country (as far as I know). Then it came to buying the sugar and the milk for the caramel, I needed brown sugar and condensed milk. Normally, as I said before I would have used Irish product but now I was forced to compromise. I resorted to choosing a sugar that definitely was not white, but it was not brown either, it was somewhere in the middle...I decided I would do. The only thing left to buy was the milk, at the time I didn't know what condensed milk was called in France and I had not thought to look it up before leaving my house, which in hindsight was a pretty amateur move...I should always be prepared. I headed to the baking section where I stumbled upon milk in a can, I took it upon myself to decide that this was condensed milk and to hope for the best. It turns out I was correct in my selection (for future reference its called lait concentré sucré, just so ya know), although while in the process of making the caramel I thought it tasted more like custard, it didn't stop me making it though (sure I thought what's the worst that could happen? we'd only have a vile tasting pie, no biggie, be grand said I) and nobody died; I call that a success. And we all had fun eating the end result (I know it's in a pot but it was the closest thing I had to a dish, life of a student eh?):

Another story (just humour me and pretend you care). So there's this plant that just randomly sits on the little wall thingy beside the kitchen sink:

Up until today I honestly thought it was an ornament (it looks like one right?) until my friend accidently knocked it into the sink and noticed that the soil was dry. I didn't even know there was soil. I didn't know I was supposed to water it. I didn't even bring it here. It came with the house, part of the package and all that. After further inspection we came to the conclusion that it is in fact a very real plant, of which type we do not know, which is on the verge of dying as a result of neglect. Nevertheless, I have tried to save it by watering it now, although I feel it may be a tad late for the littl'un. I will make it my absolute goal to see it through to the end of the year. I fear what might happen if I had something utterly important to look after, 'Oh I was supposed to feed it? I thought I just had to watch it'. I really am tragic.

The ridiculousness does not end here my friends. As you all know (I hope, unless you've got a TERRIBLE sense of time) Halloween has passed, and what does that mean? The Christmas season is upon us. So naturally, you want to celebrate no? We decided we wanted to buy some Christmas trees, put aside the fact that I will have to leave it behind and I already have one of my own in Ireland it's completely logical to buy another, after all it ain't Christmas without a tree. Obviously, a trip to IKEA was in order, you know to stock up on Christmas things. (and to buy a tree). So on we went through the usual routine of following the arrows on the ground until you reach the section you actually want, the IKEA folk were very clever by placing all the Christmas festivities at the end of the path, but not without teasing you with randomly placed Christmas trees and such. 'Tis a downward spiral when you enter the world of IKEA, there's just so many things that you want to buy. Actually no it's everything, I definitely want to buy everything. You go in to buy something specific and before you know it there's a rather large dent in your bank account. And the best part? You regret nothing, everything you bought is just so wonderfully useless that it's justified. Anyway, we got to the Christmas tree area to find that they only sell one size of tree which costs 40€ (whut?), this was rather disappointing, I mean what about the people who don't have large enough living areas to buy a big tree, or those who prefer to be a little more reserved in their Christmas celebrations, or students who merely want to spread their Christmas cheer while remaining inside their financial box, I strongly feel that IKEA has overlooked these major factors. Think of all the money they would make from very happy twenty something year olds, like ourselves. Anyway we pushed on through our disappointment and continued to browse the Christmas decorations, by the end of which we had decided we would buy some decorations for the non existent tree, so now I am left with these:

and no tree. But fear not. I have a plan, like all good things I shall order one on ebay and get it delivered to my house. ebay is my friend. You know when you start saying that ebay and google are your friends that you got to get out more, but if it brings Christmas to my house I could care less about being so ridiculous. It's innovative buying a Christmas tree on ebay, how many of you folks could say you've done the same?

And this is where I leave you lovely peeps for tonight. What have you gained from reading this post? Absolutely nothing. Actually, I'm pretty sure you just lost five minutes of your life. I did warn ya. This blog is nothing but a look into my random thoughts and nothing more. It's bound to be mundane. Sure it might have given ya a giggle all the same. 

I'm off to Toulouse tomorrow and I shall inform you of all my adventures next week. Until then my friends.

Surprises and Adventures!

I think it's safe to say that I've been less than slacking on my blog updates. I've just been so damn busy with life you guys! Time is slippin' away from me faster than you can say boo! I am lovin' it though, France is definitely far better than I thought it would be before I came. To be completely honest I was extremely skeptical about coming here for a whole year but now I find myself wondering where the bloody hell the last two months have gone! So last week was Halloween. What did I do? I only flew home for a flying visit. The best part? I told nobody apart from my parents and two friends. (well SOMEBODY needed to know I was coming home in case something happened and I was lost in the world forever. ya know?). Anyway, nobody knew I was coming home and I wish I had been able to record their reactions. Endless cries of 'Oh my god' and 'Why are you in Ireland?' 'This isn't France' and 'Denise is in your kitchen', it was priceless. I'm pretty sure they thought it was a dream. I mean they weren't expecting me to be randomly standing in their kitchen or in their yard were they? I don't mean to give people near heart attacks. It just happens. Soz.

And if that wasn't enough I got to go back to a Dublin night club. Oh how much I had missed it. I don't normally like going out on holidays such as Halloween but since I hadn't been back in a while nothin' was going to stop me! Of course it was more packed than a subway at rush hour in New York (I have no idea what that is like but I imagine its similar to sardines in a can), and you know it was difficult to move but I had a good night. I dressed as a Pirate Captain....although at random points in the night I remember people coming up to me saying 'let me guess...slutty pirate?'. I'm not quite sure where the slutty came from, maybe it was the fishnet tights. Who knows? Who really cares all that much? Anyway. Twas a good night with many wonderfully random costumes. There was this one guy in particular who dressed up as Facebook. GENIUS. A very strange night was had by all, so strange in fact it was brilliant! You forget how much you miss the simple things when you've been away for awhile, but all the same I welcome the change in my lifestyle. It gives me room to grow and all that jazz. It's interesting to notice the little changes that have happened in such a short space of time. Who knew it was possible eh?

After my amazing trip back to Ireland, myself and two of my friends spent the day in Paris. I can honestly say that in that one day I spent more time on trains/metros than I ever have in my entire life. Blue lines, green lines, yellow/green lines, red lines, light blue lines. Dear lord, so many colours, so many lines. So many people. It was good though I love the hustle and bustle of it all, I'm strange like that ya know? We figured it out eventually though. Of course you can't visit Paris and not see the Eiffel Tower, I mean it's practically visible from most positions within Paris, the best part of seeing it was my friends reaction 'Is that it?'. It is safe to say that the Eiffel Tower was very underwhelming for him. and not the right colour either. But it's okay, because he says its grand like. We didn't go up it this time because the top of it was under construction but when we go back at Christmas time we will, at night time. WITH SO MANY LIGHTS! *if you could see me now you'd see my eyes light up with excitement like a child on Christmas morning*. We also walked up the Champs d'Elysee (there are plenty of shops there that we certainly can't afford, but they're nice to look at right?).

I think it's right to say that last week was a pretty eventful week for me, I loved every bit of it, from my friends' shock of my arrival to the sights of Paris. It was amazing to say the very least. I can't wait to get started on more traveling. What's life without a little adventure eh? Now I know this has not been the most exciting post in the world (I promise the next will be better) but it has come to my attention that maybe I find puns a little TOO amusing, so with that my friends I'll leave you one to giggle away at. Love to you all!!

Gets me every time. 

That time I was ridiculously bored..

Two posts in one night? That shows how little I actually do with my life. 

Right. So some of you might know that I have a brain full of ridiculous and pointless facts that nobody in the entire world could possible care about. And a lot of them are pure ridiculous and probably not true anyway. If I could remember my college work as well as I remember these then I'd be doing far better. Here's a few for ya to ponder! 

1.     Cat's are lactose intolerant (you're not supposed to give them milk. It's a myth)

2.     Walt Disney actually had a fear of mice (so obviously it's logical to create a cartoon about a mouse)

3.     Everyone's tongue print is different (I really don't know why I know this but I do!)

4.     Arachibutyrophobia is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth (I just thought this was funny)

5.     It's impossible to lick your elbow (everybody knows this)

6.     Apparently (because it's probably not true) people who suck ice cubes have more sexual desires than those who don't (ridiculous right?)

7.     French speaking residents of Belgium are called a Walloon (maybe I'll be one, one day!)

8.     You can't hum while holding your nose closed

9.     It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open (please don't try it)

10. Coca-Cola says that only two people know the recipe and they aren't allowed to travel on the same plane in case it crashes. (what if one dies, then the other dies, will there be no more coca-cola?)

11. It's not possible to tickle yourself

12. Ketchup used to be a medicine

13. SWAG originally meant 'Secretly we are gay'

14. Coca-cola would be green if colouring wasn't added to it

15. Prostitution has been observed in penguins and chimpanzees (what a random thing to observe)

16. On average a person spends an overall of 2 years on the phone

17. On average right handed people live nine times longer than left handed people (if this is the case I am royally screwed.)

Okay methinks I should end it here. There is one thing and one thing only that we have learned from this post: I really really need to find something better to do with my time, this is starting to get ridiculous. 

Cajun chicken bagel without the chicken?

So recently I started a new job. Well, new in the sense that I haven't worked in that particular premises before. However, I have been a waitress since I was fifteen. Now, the title may seem strange but there is a funny story behind it which I will proceed to tell you. Yesterday was my first day on the deli (in this job), as you might guess I was kind of nervous about this as it is very stressful and a lot to remember in one day. So as I was being trained these two people came to the counter. Now was my time to shine, to show my skills. Or so I thought. The two customers asked for a toasted Cajun chicken bagel each, which was grand, pretty straight forward. I mean, there's a list on the side of the fridge with the ingredients on it so ya know, just follow that and I'll be flying it. I went ahead and made the bagels anyway and gave them to the customers. Shouldn't have done that. Why you ask? Wait for it..

I FORGOT THE BLOODY CHICKEN. I mean seriously. I know I'm a bit on the daft side at the best of times but the clue is in the name, it's a Cajun chicken bagel. I don't know about you folks but I'd say it's pretty darn obvious what's in that bagel. I can't believe I did that.. (but really it's a very typical me thing to do)

And while we're on the topic of funny stories here's another one for ya. Last summer while my Mam was away, I decided I'd be good and clean the house (I swear this wasn't because I had people coming over for a house party or something..pfft...who would do that while parents are away?). Anyway, there's this mirror that my Mam has wanted to hang in the downstairs bathroom for yonks now. So I thought, can't be that hard? I decided I'd try my hand at D.I.Y. My nearest and dearest know that I'm a very clumsy person (I know, odd trait for a waitress) so this was most definitely not my forte. But sure never know unless you try right? So I went ahead and drilled holes in the wall (after measuring the distances of course), then put the screws in the wall etc, etc. but then, when I tried to put the mirror up, it didn't fit. I could have sworn I measured it properly. I was wrong. So I took out most of the screws but went I got to the last one, it got stuck in the god damn wall! I couldn't get it out, I even got people to try at my party but it didn't work! In the end I hung a compact mirror on it and hoped my Mam wouldn't notice. She did. It was probably funnier at the time but I mean come on..those of you who know me, can you imagine me trying to hang a mirror? I think I overestimate my abilities..a lot. So now we have a random screw and multiple holes in our bathroom wall, and people still ask questions.. 

Moral of these stories: 

1. Don't enter the waiting profession. Ever. Trust me, it's not as fun or easy as it looks. And you forget all sorts of things. Like chicken in a bagel.

2. Don't be a feminist and think you can D.I.Y. I mean, please, you will hurt yourself with things like hammers and drills. These are men's jobs. Screw the feminist movement.