Be sure in what you think you know

Misconception. A funny word, one that holds so much mystery and lies that often it can be hard to comprehend. I’ve found myself in the midst of this word the last few weeks and I know of others who have also been privy to it. The problem my friends? Snap judgements. 

The reason for being caught up in this word is that (long story short) I broke up with my boyfriend

about a month ago. It was for personal reasons and was surprisingly civil; there is no bad blood between us. This is exactly where misconception comes into play; many people are too quick to latch on to one negative thing that happened and to create stories about what happened in their own heads.

Now, most of you all know that I’m a live and let live kind of gal and I’m well aware that people make mistakes, and often times very stupid ones, lord knows I’ve made enough to last a lifetime and I surely know I’m not done yet. I certainly don’t judge people by the mistakes they have made, which personally I think is a big problem these days, but rather about how they present themselves to me.

To be honest, in my opinion one of the biggest misconceptions you’ll come across is that of the dumper and the dumpee. People have this notion; yes it is a notion, that the person who does the, excuse the insensitivity, dumping doesn’t feel sad. There’s this weird idea that once they’ve set someone free that they’re off jumping into bed with the next jolly Rodger. Wrong (at least for the majority of people). I have been on both ends of the spectrum and let me tell you that neither is less suckish than the other, it’s a different kind of pain. No matter whether you’re the one doing the dumping or the one getting dumped you’re still losing a very big part of your life. Believe it or not cutting (completely or partly)  someone who you once loved and still care deeply about out of your life is a big decision,  one that I struggled with for many weeks, and also one that I admit I should have dealt with sooner but to be frank what’s done is done and that’s that. 

It just irks me the way that some people think that the dumper feels nothing, bullshit. So today people I am sticking up for those who have been in a similar situation as myself, who have felt a lot of love for their significant other, who have decided that being in a relationship just isn’t right for now and those who have felt that they need time to themselves to learn and discover. It can be a very distraught time for both parties in very different ways. While hurting someone else for wanting time for yourself may seem selfish it is in fact one of the least selfish things you can do because staying in an unhappy situation will be more damaging in the long run. 

So friends, from now on if you’re somebody who has been the victim of assumption and rumours, ignore it, if somebody wants to spend their time worrying about your problems then you must be bloody important.

For those who are doing the assuming, I’ll ask you to stop and think for a minute, think about what might have happening in the weeks, days, months even minutes before whatever it is that’s got your knickers in a twist happened. Not everything is as clear as it seems.

And for everyone, remember that life’s too short to sweat the small stuff, we’re only young, let’s live and have fun, we will more than likely fall in love many a time before we’re done. And for Jesus sake mind your own god damn business

Let’s just remember that there are people like this in the world, though I won’t assume too much as assumption has been the main topic of discussion here, she might have had a good reason for electrocuting herself. 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JBYeqntiUI

The ups and downs and over and backs of living in France!

Once again I must apologise for the huge lapse between posts, but this time I have a legit reason other than just being lazy. My laptop broke while I was in Spain, and then there was the whole starting back in college bla, bla, bla, basically once again, life got in the way. But let's face it folks, when doesn't it? I'd rather be busy than have nothing to do!

Living abroad comes with both positive and negative things, naturally, but a lot of them are just downright inconvenient, so I said I'd compile a list of Pros and Cons about living in France for anyone who was contemplating spending any length of time there, or anywhere really.

N.B. These are not in any particular order, merely the order in which they entered my brain.

1. The Bread, but not just any 'ol sliced pan now, the BAGUETTE (from a boulangerie of course), it's like the God of bread. (Nom).
2.  The weather, I mean the sun is just somethin' else, a little advice to the newbies, invest in A LOT of fans, a cool abode, and (if possible) a portable shower. If you're from a hot country then this point is void. 
3. The beaches, the soft sand (avoid when windy cause then that shit gets annoying. And sticks to EVERYTHING) and the warm sea, (I have yet to brave the Irish waters since returning.) A little warning: Be prepared for people to just whip off clothing as they wish, they will never be described as a self-conscious nation. 
4. Bad words don't really sound like bad words. Merde, Putain. See? Completely innocent. (Except when shouted at you by druggie to whom you would not give money.. sort of needed that for food you see.)
5. Things are cheap; food, accommodation, cinema, alcohol. Makes me think like, Ireland, get your shit together. 
6. The markets. You find the most randomest crap here, I mean they sell ANYTHING. If you happen to find yourself thinking, oh, I'd love to buy a huge Peugeot sign, then hit one of those up. I'm not even joking, there was a market that sold this. It's great! 
7. Disneyland. Who doesn't love it? If you go to France for a prolonged amount of time and don't go, then you are crazy and you will need to get that checked. Go at Christmas time, it's out of this world. And so colourful. It's possible I may never grow up.
8. The architecture, everything's just so beautiful. Mr. Eiffle, you are some man. 
9. One of the best things? Meeting people from ALL over the world, I feel so cultured.

1. They don't like to share. Students in particular, just don't ask for notes, it's as if you asked if you could kill their favorite pet. 
2. If you are foreign, you will know you are foreign, you might as well write it upon your forehead.
3. The milk. What even is that? AVONMORE, people, AVONMORE! 
4. The tea. Just bring your own, That's all I'm saying. And then get family members to post more when you run out. Just another note: If you have a friend named Barry, your Mam will find it the most hilarious thing to send you Barry's tea. And you'll be all like... Okaaaaaaay. 
5. Opening hours. Reminder: THEY DONT OPEN ON SUNDAYS! And sometimes randomly close in the middle of the day. That's cool, it's not like I needed anything. 
6. Most of your family and friends are in a different country, and you can't annoy them with your strangeness everyday like you used to. 
7. Nightclubs are sleazy,
8. The train people LOVE strikes. And it always seems to happen when you really need to get somewhere.. 

That's all I've got for now, but no doubt there's plenty more to be noted! So if I think of any I'll be updatin', if you lovely folks think of any, leave a comment!! With all it's ups and downs I really do love France! And the language too, it's just so beautiful! So long my lovelies, I promise I'm getting better at this blogging malarky starting this month :D 

Whirlwind!

So clearly, with the lapse between my blog posts, I've had a bit of a mental block when it comes to blog posts, it's really quite easy to run out of material when nothing remotely interesting happens in your life! It started to get frustrating because obviously you can't maintain a blog without a subject matter, it's like a door without a handle, it just doesn't work! Then one fateful night I was casually watching some mindless TV when and idea popped into my head, it really wasn't that great of an idea but in that particular moment I felt like an absolute genius! Out came my phone and onto Snapchat (it has quickly become, for many, the primary mode of communication! what is happening to the world?) I went, sending a post to each of my contacts asking for a word in hopes that it would spark into an idea! I got a few replies, some are trickier than others to write about but I've never been shy of a challenge!

The first word I've decided to go with is Whirlwind, now I could talk about whirlwinds in the technical sense of the word, but that wouldn't be really fun for anybody would it? But today my friends, we are gonna use it in the metaphorical sense! Metaphorical, what a lovely word, it makes plain old things so much more exciting, I think you can think of most things in a metaphorical way, door to my life, closet to my secrets, window to your soul, cereal to your.. okay, well I did say most. Anyway to get back on the right track, I think whirlwind is a good metaphor for life. Like a whirlwind, life is fast, deadly and thrilling, it's a labyrinth. I mean life is full of emotions, experiences, opportunities, good and bad! So much happens in such a short space of time it's almost too difficult to comprehend!

Proceed with caution, this post is gonna get a tad sappy in the following sentences..

There's been a couple of people who I know, or who I know of, that have been going through some tough times, and it really is heartbreaking to see! So for that reason alone this post is dedicated to anybody who might be feeling a little down at the moment, obviously I'm not going to be able to make the feelings stop or take away the situation, whatever it may be, but hopefully it'll make you see that it's not going to last forever and remind you that it's all part of the whirlwind that is life! It's strange to describe because being in a different country, or some cases a different continent, it's really challenging to give friends or family the support they need, or deserve for that matter, there's a certain separation from the situation and a lot of the time distance is a good thing, gives you the room to gain perspective on certain things, but when you want to be there for someone physically, it sort of becomes a hindrance more than anything else! It's okay though, I've figured that one can always perform ninja like actions to cheer someone up, just because you're not in the same zone doesn't mean you can't make a difference; send a letter, a post card, a cake, some flowers, whatever your heart desires!

So you might feel sad now, or maybe you feel happy, or angry, or frustrated, or whatever. So what? Who cares? Feel it all you want, there are people in this world (people I don't understand and would like to hit with a rubber hammer) who tell you it's not okay to process the negative feelings, and make you feel bad about feeling bad! WELL, SCREW YOU, is what I say! It's utterly ridiculous that these people exist, who even raised these people? These are the people who think everything should be the same, and my god how monotonous life would be if that were the case? Okay, obviously I'm not telling you to feel sad ALL the time, then life would be no fun whatsoever (and you always need fun), but it's not wrong to have negative feelings once in a while nor should you feel guilty about having them, that's just crazy talk, if anything it's normal that you feel like that sometimes, like I said, it's all part of the whirlwind of life. It's what makes life manageable, being able to release all these pent up emotions, it's like allowing your body to regenerate and breathe! So I say be free to cry, scream, shout, laugh, cackle, sing, what ever you're into, just do it! Although, if at all you can refrain from randomly bursting into any of these in public, especially cackling, please do so, people will think you've lost your marbles. If you have, in fact, lost your marbles, be my guest, create the biggest scene imaginable to man!

Too many people spend their lives being afraid to feel. Afraid that they'll be seen in a different way or that they'll no longer be the 'tough man', well I call it Bull. If anything, feeling makes you the toughest man, showing your emotions is brave, it takes a real person to do it. Now, I'm not one to make my feelings known to the entire universe but it doesn't mean I don't do it. You don't have to write it in the sky for it to matter, that's not what it's about, it's about opening up and ridding yourself of all the negativity so that you can move on to the next positive phase, like I said, life is zig-zag, up-down, over-back kind of thing, there's gonna be times when we want to cry, times when we want to laugh, times when we hate everyone and everything, and times when we just want to scream for the entire world and it's brother to hear, there's nothing simple about it, and that's just the way it is. We're never gonna be able to change it, so to be frank, we just gotta take what we have with both hands and dive straight in. Everybody will figure it out, everybody will learn how to live in different ways, nobody can tell you the way you live your life is wrong, that's just ridiculous, it's like saying that the way you have your hair is wrong, or the way you stack your cupboard is wrong, or the way you decorate your house is wrong. It's your right to do things how you want to do them, don't take the shite that people say about how you should live your life. Just do it your way. (I feel like this is becoming a common theme in my blog posts, but it's true so WHO CARES?)

In the famous words of Ronan Keating 'Life is a rollercoaster and you just gotta ride it'. Or rather, life is a whirlwind and you just gotta get sucked in and hang on the best you can, tomayto - tomato, it's the same concept! So go, be free, live the whirlwind that is life, eat cake, be lazy, go for a run, cry, smile, laugh, I dunno, do some stuff.. and if you see somebody else having a hard time, buy them a cookie, or give them a hug, sing them a song, just do something nice and you'll be all the better for it!

So now my lovelies, I'm sure you're sick of reading the word whirlwind at this stage, and you've probably never seen it used in the one place as much in your lives so I'll leave you in peace! Hasta luego mis amigos!  

Changing Tides

Okay I haven't posted in about a month. The reason being I was extremely busy getting things ready for France and then I was on holliers in Italy! So here I find myself sitting in a guest house (my actual house doesn't have electricity) in France. Where did the summer go eh? I was thinking the other day before we left Ireland how different I thought my life would be now. It's really amazing how your life can change in such a short space of time. I know for a fact that my life is far far different than it was this time last year. It's exciting and scary all at the same time, I think that applies to everything though. It's the uncertainty that scares us all a little bit. Don't deny it now just because you want to seem hardy or whatever, there's always that small part of us that would like to know how our future is going to pan out because lets face it, the dynamic of our lives changes each and every day. I mean if you think about it, really think about it, there are so many questions you could ask yourself that truly demonstrate the unpredictability of life. That person you swore you were going to marry one day? How often do you talk to them now? Maybe a lot, maybe not so much. But it's not the same right? What about that best friend that you had plans to travel the world with? I bet you only talk once or twice a year now. The classmates you once knew at school? You only catch up with most of them when you bump into them on the town or on nights out. Am I right? What did you always dream of becoming when you were little? Bet your aspirations have changed a great deal now, unless you're that small percentage that has had the same dream since they were five. All of these are pretty reasonable questions. They may seem harsh but they're not really. I guess it's just the way life goes. I mean, it's natural to lose contact with people as life goes on. And maybe it's lack of effort on your part or theirs, or both but it just happens. See, this was one of the fears I had about going on a year abroad, that I would lose a lot of people who are very close to me without either parties noticing it. But then I realised that if I make the effort with everybody that's not going to happen.

I mean of course I've lost contact with a lot of people over the years, not because we wanted it to happen, but because our lives were heading in different directions. It doesn't mean I don't still care, because I always care a great deal about people who have played a significant part in my life, it just means that we were at different wavelengths and grew apart.  Yes, it can be sad but if that's what was destined for us, so be it. Think about it a little. If you had kept in constant contact with every single person you once knew how would you ever fit new people into your life. No each person is the same. And that's what's so exciting about meeting new people. A breath of fresh air is what I like to call it. You'll always have the memories of times shared with previous friends and whatnot but it's also great to make new memories with new people. Just because you may not talk with them every day like you used to does not mean that you don't have a bond anymore. If anything it really shows who your true friends are. The ones who send the odd text or Facebook message, or the ones who'll stop to have a conversation on the street with you and it'll be like you never stopped talking in the first place, these are the people that will always be your friend, no matter how long you don't speak for, or if you both live in different parts of the world, or even if you don't see each other for a long time, they'll always be there. These are the ones to cherish.

This is what I've learned in the last few weeks, that you'll always have friends. No matter where you are or what you're doing they'll always be there. I mean you can never forget the memories you made with great people right? Make the effort to keep in contact with people, it doesn't have to be everyday or even every week, just as long as they know you're still there they'll be there. Life changes far to fast for any of us to take for granted the good people, don't let yourself down by ignoring the true ones while trying to impress the fake ones. The loss outweighs the gain, trust me.

Who needs grown ups anyway?

If somebody had told me that being a grown up was so difficult. I would have opted against it. (yeah like that's possible.). It's strange when I think about it. I remember the times when all I had to worry about was who I was going to hang around with that day, or what I was going to spend my next installment of 'pocket money' on. I mean, can anyone pinpoint the exact moment that they stopped being kids? It happens so suddenly that you can't even comprehend that it's happening until it's been and gone. In the blink of an eye you're faced with questions that you never even thought about before. What school should I go to? Should I trust these people? How am I going to afford to live from day to day? The things you always heard your parents talking about become real, become something that you have to learn to cope with. It's overwhelming to say the very least.

As we get older we realise that life isn't always a ray of sunshine, despite what we may have previously thought. It starts to get far more serious and challenging than before. It's one hurdle after another. Time and time again we have to prove to ourselves that we can surpass everything and anything, sometimes it's extremely difficult, other times not so much. We make decisions based on how we feel in the heat of the moment, these can be the right ones, or unfortunately a lot of the time they can be so very wrong. But this is nothing to feel disheartened about because in the end you made the decision, dealt with the consequences and moved on. It rapidly becomes a tiny tiny thing in a long line of other things. It becomes insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

I used to look forward to being a grown up. So many opportunities and experiences to be explored. New people to meet. New everything. It all looked so simple from that perspective. Like it was a piece of cake. Oh how very wrong was I? I mean I'm not saying life is bad. Cause it really isn't. It's actually quite beautiful to be honest. I do love life. Most of the time. It's just those times that seem so rough, so rough that it feels like they'll never pass. But they do and they will. In that moment though it's like there's this rain cloud that won't go away, you know the ones that literally stay for days? (okay, that means every cloud in Ireland,I know but just roll with me here). Eventually though, the rain goes away. And what to we find? No rain. Duh.

Lets be honest with ourselves here. We've all made mistakes, some big, some small. At some time or another we've made absolute gobshites out of ourselves. But it's okay, why you ask? Because we live in a world where one gains respect by drinking a large bottle of an alcoholic beverage in under an hour. In my oh so valuable opinion, this gives us the right to act like utter eejits because if that's how you gain respect these days. So be it. Gone are the days where respect meant role models and good attitude. Oh world, what it happening?

I tend to just throw caution into the wind these days. There's no point holding back right? I mean, each day we grow a little older. And although I'm still only a mere twenty (yikes) years old, it feels like I've been on the earth a whole lot longer. Maybe that's because of obstacles I've had to overcome or things I've experienced. I really couldn't tell you why. But I've learned that people are going to have something to say about you either way, so why not give them what they want? Give them something to talk about. Let them waste their precious time thinking about you. Then you'll have won.

In a particularly difficult time of my life a wise (most of the time) man (my Daddy) said to me 'sometimes I think these things were made to test us'. I for one, could not believe he had said it. I mean, I hadn't had a lot of 'inspirational' pep talks with my dad over the years so this definitely made me think. And I realised he's right. I mean what would be the other purpose of challenging times other than to test our coping capabilities. If these are all tests, I want to pass them all. I don't want to fail at life. What a disappointment that would be. The trick is to defeat life, not let life defeat you. Lets let that be a lesson learned.

Another look into my random thoughts. Until next time my little chickens.

"Where'd the days go, when all we did was play? And the stress that we were under wasn't stress at all just a run and a jump into a harmless fall" - Paolo Nutini

Spontaneity.

So I haven't posted in a while. The main reason being that my life has consisted of eating, sleeping, working and attending parties. As you can imagine there wasn't much time for anything else to be honest. All that 'living' is hard work let me tell you!

I'm not exactly sure what I intend to write here. I just kind of decided that I should post again. I guess spontaneous things are the best right? Most of the time. Except when it lands you in stupid situations. Then it is not the best.

Like sometimes I get the urge to jump on a train (cause I love em) spontaneously and just go somewhere. While this seems like a pretty normal thing to do in my messed up brain, it really isn't. I mean. What a waste of money it would be just to travel back and forth on a train. And for what? To look out the windows at trees, green fields, houses and more trees. Yeah. Real exciting. Trains are quite good for thinking though. Like, so peaceful. Unless there's a bunch of crazy teenagers who think they're 'all that' trying to pick a fight with the other passengers (this has happened). This makes for an unpleasant journey. And awkward. Yep, I definitely felt awkward. On the other hand, many of my life decisions have been made on trains. And they worked out so it must be an effective method.

Have you ever noticed also that some of the biggest decisions you make are made spontaneously in the shower? Why do we suddenly think that this would be the perfect time to sort through our deepest problems? Once again the human brain baffles me. It's like we think the shower is going to present us with all the answers we have ever searched for. Oh look, the hot water hit me, now I must make a decision. Whaaaat? Bitches be cray! Like okay, yeah maybe decisions like what I'm going to eat for lunch, or what I'm going to do tomorrow is grand. But decisions like I should move country or I'm going to buy a new house should not be made in a moment of pure relaxation cause by the heavy stream of hot water. No. This can't be sensible.

Spontaneous shopping. Now, this has to be one of the worst things to ever hit the human race. Ever. I once spent €100 in Penneys. In one go. I still wonder how I managed to buy that much stuff to amount to that much money. Like what was I even doing? I can guarantee half the things I bought that day were hardly worn. Such a waste of perfectly good money. And shoes. Oh my god. I think my eyes just see some shoes, then my brain says 'these would go nicely with the other 20 pairs that lie unworn in the bottom of the wardrobe'. I rarely ever need new shoes. I mean, I only ever wear one of two pairs. The others lie neglected in my room. I should give them away I guess. But maybe I'll wear them in the future (the phrase which is common amongst the female population.) I mean let's be honest girls, we're never gonna wear them again are we?

Aaaand then we have spontaneous nights out. These are often some of the best times of your life. Just deciding to up and go. No forethought needed. They do often end in ridiculous antics but a little bit of insanity never killed anybody right? Or did it? I don't know. You know the nights where you're determined to have a quiet few but suddenly it turns into a mad one. Unexpectedly. Like a flash you're in the midst of music,dance and drink. But who can complain? That's what being young is all about. Spontaneity.

So there you have it. Another extremely random post. And actually it's probably a tad boring but hey, who cares? I sure don't. Later peeps.

Alcohol induced shenanigans.

So here we find ourselves in the month of July. Time goes fast doesn't it? The topic for this post came quite easily for me after a spontaneous adventure last Saturday night. What may the topic be you ask? Drunken Antics. There. I said it. It is a post full of the ridiculous things that people (I) do when drunk.

Isn't it strange when you think about the nights you've had a little too much to drink. Don't deny it people, it's happened to the best of us. You get to wondering what actually happened during those hours that you can't recall. What did I say? Where did I go? Who was I with? Did I steal something? These are all things that race through our minds the following day. The fear. One of the many things I hate about drinking. I mean the drinking is great in the moment and you always have the best craic imaginable but the next day you actually feel like you are literally about to die. Like everything in the entire world is out to get you. Once it was so bad I was scared to go outside. I don't know what the hell I thought was going to happen if, god forbid, I walk to the shop. Of course this is all part of the affects of alcohol. Yet, we still continue to drink. The human race confuses me once again. Time after time. No matter how much we've fecked up at the hands of alcohol in the past, we continue. Although don't people say drunk words speak sober thoughts? Gosh, I fear what I've been telling people. Meh, who cares. They were probably drunk themselves. See. That's the funny thing. We almost always forget that the majority of the time the other person/people were drunk to so the likelihood of them remembering is quite slim. Unfortunately for me, my friends have great memory after nights out...

I'll tell you a story. Last Saturday night, it was my friend's 21st, so naturally we all went out for a few celebrations. A few turned into a lot. Drink after drink. Shot after shot. My inhibitions rapidly worsened. Everything started to become a blur. I mean, I don't remember a lot after one o'clock. I'm not ashamed though (clearly, I'm telling this story to the internet) because I have not been so diabolically drunk in a very long time. Now, normally people go to the pub, drink or whatever, then (because they know they should sleep) they go home. My drunk brain does not have this rationality. My drunk brain decides that it's a good idea to go drinking 'down the 'nal' (judge me, I don't care) as we so like to call it. I had never done this before. It was a new experience. One that I only partly remember however. It was good craic, this I do remember. I recall that my brain also thought it would be a good idea to go paddle in the river. In my clothes. It a was a good idea. Until I fell in, so ya know, that was cold. I remember being cold. Then, if I hadn't already displayed myself as a gobshite, I decided to lie down in the grass and admire the buttercups, typical drunken happenings as you all probably know. Never in a sober state have I admired buttercups. I mean, they're only yellow. What does drunk me think is so pretty about them? I'll have to ask her. This is the extent of my recollection of Saturday night, it was a good time though. I had needed to let loose for quite a while and I think it is safe to say that I accomplished that task. So there you have it, my spontaneous adventure landed me in a hilarious situation. College has changed me I tell you. The amount of silly things I have done has sky rocketed since beginning. Between walking into shop shutters and sleeping against flower pots (all alcohol induced) I have enough stories to last a lifetime, why be embarrassed? Youth is sacred, it doesn't last forever. I could tell you plenty more stories (that have been recounted to me by others) but I'm not sure they're even safe for the vast space that is the internet so you'll just have to do without.

I also think it's interesting to watch other people when they're drunk. It's like you meet their alter egos. Sometimes it's entertaining, other times not so much. The stories you hear from drunk people are most definitely one of a kind. And I'm pretty sure extremely exaggerated. Oh my god, you jumped out of a plane without a parachute and didn't die? No drunk person, I'm almost certain you had a parachute or else you would not be standing here in a drunken state talking to me. (not a real story, just an example.). Also they always try to tell you they're younger than they are. You're 25? You have grey hair and wrinkles. Uh-Uh don't think so mister, nice try though. Some people are violent. I try to avoid these at all costs, I'm out to have a good time, not die. Some are absolute perves. No! You cannot chat me up person who is three times my age. Ugh. However, even if some of these memories can be quite disturbing for us, they can all build up to make pretty good story material and one things for sure, you'll always remember those times. I do laugh when I think about the crazy times I've had on nights out, sometimes I laugh at myself for being so ridiculous, other times I laugh at others for being so god damn entertaining. But hey, it's never gonna stop right? So why not embrace the mad and weird times? After all life's gotta have a bitta spice. Or else it's just plain boring.

While it's good to go out and have the craic with a bitta alcohol thrown in, I feel obliged to add that you should most definitely be careful when it comes to alcohol. Especially all you young'uns out there who've yet to find their happy medium. Don't over do it on the experimenting. Trust me, I've been on the wrong side of alcohol one too many times. It ain't too pretty. Go out, have fun, laugh and be silly. You're only young once, make the best of it while you can.

Inner Punk

Do you ever feel like just letting go? Just going off the rails for just a while? I do. Something inside of me just begs to be set free, I call it my 'inner punk'. A part of me that is suppressed for too long. Everybody has an inner punk, though many do not ever let it show. In today's world, it is socially unacceptable for your inner punk to reveal itself. We live in a world that has become obsessed with money and status, and people will stop at nothing to become the very best. Even if it means forgetting who they really are.

Today was one of those days, I decided to dress scruffier than usual. Clad in denim, ripped jeans, boots that have seen better days, multiple bracelets, necklaces, hair just thrown back, music blasting through my headphones, I set upon my journey across town to my Dad's house. I could feel eyes on me as I walked. I knew it was because of the way I had chosen to dress this particular day. It was not 'typical' attire for a young woman. I don't care. I was comfortable for the first time in a long time. That's when I started to think about it.

I started to notice how people dress to suit society's norms, not how they really want. They have become brainwashed by society. Children of the Celtic tiger. Always working to make more money. I agree, money is important of course, however, it is not everything. They start to mold themselves into people they think they need to be in order to succeed. They somehow get lost along the way. They start to forget who they were before they began climbing, and start to believe the life they've created. I hate fake people. Don't lose yourself just to become successful.

Personally if I suppress my true personality I feel less confident. I lose my spirit. An example, in the place where I work I have to wear a uniform, sensible shoes, hair tied back, no bracelets etc, etc. I don't like it. I feel like I can't express who I am. I mean, I can hardly go around looking scruffy or edgy while working. This is what has become of the world. Freedom of expression is restricted. There's not many places or people who accept certain looks. It's ridiculous. I suppress my style, I suppress my personality. These people will never know the true me. I'm not sure they'd ever want to.

All these restrictions annoy me. To think that I have to think carefully before getting a tattoo in a visible place because it may not be 'acceptable' in a working environment is bull crap. You don't know the meanings of them or the reasons behind which one may have gotten them. I have several piercings. So? What's that to you? It doesn't affect the quality of my work. Neither does my expressive personality. Stop buying into all these limitations that are created by society. Fight the demands. Be original. Not a clone.

I may dress edgier/scruffier than most girls. I may not spend hours on my make up. I don't wear heels and I don't like girly girl things. So what? I am who I am.  I don't judge people who are into those things, why should you judge me for going against the norm? For having the courage to express myself even though society may not be impressed.Who cares? I might look different or whatever but I still harbor the true values that have been long forgotten by many people, friendship, family, loyalty and freedom of expression. Where have they gone? The world is too organised these days. You'll find that the most successful people are often the ones who are not afraid to express themselves freely. These are the true heroes of the world. Don't be afraid to let your inner punk be free, even just for a little while.

P.S. I still love my cat.

A fear of flying.

I've had a bit of writers block for the past while in terms of what I should post about. Should I post about some nonsense that people don't care about but read anyway? No. Should I drone on about my problems to the world? Hell no. Should I write about work? Absolutely not (I've been there for the last six hours. Why would I want to relive it?). This post, my lovelies, is about my frustration in preparing to move to France for a whole year. Yep, you heard correctly. I'm off to France to study as part of my degree. I know you all think this might be thinking; Sure isn't that great? Living in France for a year. Well for some. These are all things I've heard when I've said I have to go to France. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm absolutely chuffed that I get to spend a year in the south of France. (Oh, the weather). But the organising is no walk in the park let me tell you. It's extremely costly too. How am I going to afford to eat? I've no idea, maybe the government's money will come in handy and buy me some bread. Who knows?

To say I was terrified about moving abroad for a whole year would be an understatement. Back in September it was grand, I mean it was a good 10 months away, no need to worry about it. But those months just seemed to creep up on my like a rain cloud on a summers day. Suddenly I was bombarded with decisions. Spain or France? Which city? Where will I live? How will I afford it? What airline? It. drove. me. crazy. I started to get anxious. I didn't know the answers to half these questions. I wanted to run and hide and come back when it was all sorted for me. I knew that this would never happen.

I had to make decisions though. (however bad I may be at it). So my destination for my Erasmus is Avignon, South of France. Is it the right decision? I guess I won't know 'til I get there. I leave Kilkenny  on the 29th of August. It isn't that far away. I'm excited, scared and sad all at the same time. It's a strange mix of emotions. I don't really know how I feel.

You never realise how much you've depended on people and things until you actually have to leave. I mean, it'll be strange not seeing my friends and family all the time. I can tell you right now that my friends are going to get extremely pissed off at me cause I will want to Skype all the time. I can see it now. I'm going to be homesick. This is a certainty. I'm going to miss my family. What will I do without the deep conversations with mam? Or the banter with the brothers? I'll feel so...empty.

I'll be back of course, as much as I can afford. I mean, I want to enjoy my year abroad but I also don't want to forget my roots. I don't want to lose contact. A lot can happen in a year. I have this ridiculous fear that I am/everybody else is going to change too much and I won't fit anymore. I won't know what to do with myself. Friends and family are such a central part of my life as is. What's it going to be like when we're in different countries?

It would be so easy for me to back out of this and just not go. I could back out tomorrow and it'd be all forgotten. But then I'd regret it in the future would I not? You always regret the things you didn't do. That's what I've heard anyway. There are so many reasons that could make me stay, some of them logical, some not so much. But I'm not a quitter. I'll go, I'll explore, I'll have adventures, I'll french it up a little. You never know, it could be the making of me. Or so my Mam says.

I'm not going to lie to you people. This is the most single terrifying adventure of my life to date and I'll miss everyone so much. No doubt it'll be wonderful. No doubt I'll meet great people and create life long memories. But in the end there's no place like home..

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.  - Mark Twain

You called your child what now?

Hey there people of earth. Now, some of you may know, others will not, that I have been a writer from a very young age. Songs, Poems, Stories, Screenplays, you name it, I write it. I used to be very private about my writing but recently with the encouragement of friends and family I have decided to become more open about it. And what better way to do that but to start a blog? Recently I've seen an increase in the amount of people using blogs so I said to myself why not jump on that bandwagon? I'm pretty sure my family are sick to the bones of my rantin' and ragin' so maybe I should express my thoughts to the vast universe that is the internet.

There was one thing in particular that came to mind when I was thinking about a topic for my first post; The utterly ridiculous names that celebrities give to their children. I mean whats up with that? Do you want your children to be bullied? Apple? Peaches? Blue Ivy? I. Just. Don't. Get. It. I'm not sure what the purpose of these names are! Okay yeah, naming your child Paris or Brooklyn, after cities..these are normal-ish. But fruit  or colours? Why? It blows my mind. Its makes me sad to think what happened to the good oul traditional names like Mary or John. Did they get lost in transit? 

Do these people think they need more attention? What if everybody named their children bizarre things? Like they just picked the first thing they saw. People would be walking around with names like 'Chair' or 'Desk'. I don't understand how they can think these names are perfectly acceptable. I feel bad for these kids. They're in for a long ride. But hey, maybe they like their names? Who knows. The world is crazy.

And that is where I'll leave you for now, think about that for a while (but not too hard). Until next time my fellow beings!