Who needs grown ups anyway?

If somebody had told me that being a grown up was so difficult. I would have opted against it. (yeah like that's possible.). It's strange when I think about it. I remember the times when all I had to worry about was who I was going to hang around with that day, or what I was going to spend my next installment of 'pocket money' on. I mean, can anyone pinpoint the exact moment that they stopped being kids? It happens so suddenly that you can't even comprehend that it's happening until it's been and gone. In the blink of an eye you're faced with questions that you never even thought about before. What school should I go to? Should I trust these people? How am I going to afford to live from day to day? The things you always heard your parents talking about become real, become something that you have to learn to cope with. It's overwhelming to say the very least.

As we get older we realise that life isn't always a ray of sunshine, despite what we may have previously thought. It starts to get far more serious and challenging than before. It's one hurdle after another. Time and time again we have to prove to ourselves that we can surpass everything and anything, sometimes it's extremely difficult, other times not so much. We make decisions based on how we feel in the heat of the moment, these can be the right ones, or unfortunately a lot of the time they can be so very wrong. But this is nothing to feel disheartened about because in the end you made the decision, dealt with the consequences and moved on. It rapidly becomes a tiny tiny thing in a long line of other things. It becomes insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

I used to look forward to being a grown up. So many opportunities and experiences to be explored. New people to meet. New everything. It all looked so simple from that perspective. Like it was a piece of cake. Oh how very wrong was I? I mean I'm not saying life is bad. Cause it really isn't. It's actually quite beautiful to be honest. I do love life. Most of the time. It's just those times that seem so rough, so rough that it feels like they'll never pass. But they do and they will. In that moment though it's like there's this rain cloud that won't go away, you know the ones that literally stay for days? (okay, that means every cloud in Ireland,I know but just roll with me here). Eventually though, the rain goes away. And what to we find? No rain. Duh.

Lets be honest with ourselves here. We've all made mistakes, some big, some small. At some time or another we've made absolute gobshites out of ourselves. But it's okay, why you ask? Because we live in a world where one gains respect by drinking a large bottle of an alcoholic beverage in under an hour. In my oh so valuable opinion, this gives us the right to act like utter eejits because if that's how you gain respect these days. So be it. Gone are the days where respect meant role models and good attitude. Oh world, what it happening?

I tend to just throw caution into the wind these days. There's no point holding back right? I mean, each day we grow a little older. And although I'm still only a mere twenty (yikes) years old, it feels like I've been on the earth a whole lot longer. Maybe that's because of obstacles I've had to overcome or things I've experienced. I really couldn't tell you why. But I've learned that people are going to have something to say about you either way, so why not give them what they want? Give them something to talk about. Let them waste their precious time thinking about you. Then you'll have won.

In a particularly difficult time of my life a wise (most of the time) man (my Daddy) said to me 'sometimes I think these things were made to test us'. I for one, could not believe he had said it. I mean, I hadn't had a lot of 'inspirational' pep talks with my dad over the years so this definitely made me think. And I realised he's right. I mean what would be the other purpose of challenging times other than to test our coping capabilities. If these are all tests, I want to pass them all. I don't want to fail at life. What a disappointment that would be. The trick is to defeat life, not let life defeat you. Lets let that be a lesson learned.

Another look into my random thoughts. Until next time my little chickens.

"Where'd the days go, when all we did was play? And the stress that we were under wasn't stress at all just a run and a jump into a harmless fall" - Paolo Nutini

Let your ears be filled with the sweet sweet melody..

I have recently discovered many new artists thanks to the recommendations of a friend. I now have found many new obsessions. I love listening to music, but moreso I love music I can relate to. Many of the songs I have lisened to from these musicians I have been able to relate to in some sort of way. I thought I'd share some of their work with you so that you too can enjoy the magic that is them.

Here is a song by Lights which features Coeur de Pirate, both are Canadian musicians. The song is called Peace Sign and I really think it's so beautiful.

Coeur de Pirate also has other songs which I love. This is one of my favorites:

She also has other songs that you should check out that I think are amazing. Try listening to 'Comme les enfantes' or 'Adieu'. I really really love her music, its so beautiful!

Through listening to Coeur de Pirate, I found another singer whose work I enjoy. Her name is Joyce Jonathan. I like her music too, here's a video for 'Je ne sais pas' but you should also check out 'Pas besoin de toi' and 'Les souvenirs' too!

                          

I know most of these songs are in French, but even the melody is amazing so you should definitely listen to them. Even if you have no idea what they're saying.

J'adore la musique, c'est très belle. La vie serait ennuyeuse sans elle. Écoutez et apprécier mes amis!

Spontaneity.

So I haven't posted in a while. The main reason being that my life has consisted of eating, sleeping, working and attending parties. As you can imagine there wasn't much time for anything else to be honest. All that 'living' is hard work let me tell you!

I'm not exactly sure what I intend to write here. I just kind of decided that I should post again. I guess spontaneous things are the best right? Most of the time. Except when it lands you in stupid situations. Then it is not the best.

Like sometimes I get the urge to jump on a train (cause I love em) spontaneously and just go somewhere. While this seems like a pretty normal thing to do in my messed up brain, it really isn't. I mean. What a waste of money it would be just to travel back and forth on a train. And for what? To look out the windows at trees, green fields, houses and more trees. Yeah. Real exciting. Trains are quite good for thinking though. Like, so peaceful. Unless there's a bunch of crazy teenagers who think they're 'all that' trying to pick a fight with the other passengers (this has happened). This makes for an unpleasant journey. And awkward. Yep, I definitely felt awkward. On the other hand, many of my life decisions have been made on trains. And they worked out so it must be an effective method.

Have you ever noticed also that some of the biggest decisions you make are made spontaneously in the shower? Why do we suddenly think that this would be the perfect time to sort through our deepest problems? Once again the human brain baffles me. It's like we think the shower is going to present us with all the answers we have ever searched for. Oh look, the hot water hit me, now I must make a decision. Whaaaat? Bitches be cray! Like okay, yeah maybe decisions like what I'm going to eat for lunch, or what I'm going to do tomorrow is grand. But decisions like I should move country or I'm going to buy a new house should not be made in a moment of pure relaxation cause by the heavy stream of hot water. No. This can't be sensible.

Spontaneous shopping. Now, this has to be one of the worst things to ever hit the human race. Ever. I once spent €100 in Penneys. In one go. I still wonder how I managed to buy that much stuff to amount to that much money. Like what was I even doing? I can guarantee half the things I bought that day were hardly worn. Such a waste of perfectly good money. And shoes. Oh my god. I think my eyes just see some shoes, then my brain says 'these would go nicely with the other 20 pairs that lie unworn in the bottom of the wardrobe'. I rarely ever need new shoes. I mean, I only ever wear one of two pairs. The others lie neglected in my room. I should give them away I guess. But maybe I'll wear them in the future (the phrase which is common amongst the female population.) I mean let's be honest girls, we're never gonna wear them again are we?

Aaaand then we have spontaneous nights out. These are often some of the best times of your life. Just deciding to up and go. No forethought needed. They do often end in ridiculous antics but a little bit of insanity never killed anybody right? Or did it? I don't know. You know the nights where you're determined to have a quiet few but suddenly it turns into a mad one. Unexpectedly. Like a flash you're in the midst of music,dance and drink. But who can complain? That's what being young is all about. Spontaneity.

So there you have it. Another extremely random post. And actually it's probably a tad boring but hey, who cares? I sure don't. Later peeps.

Alcohol induced shenanigans.

So here we find ourselves in the month of July. Time goes fast doesn't it? The topic for this post came quite easily for me after a spontaneous adventure last Saturday night. What may the topic be you ask? Drunken Antics. There. I said it. It is a post full of the ridiculous things that people (I) do when drunk.

Isn't it strange when you think about the nights you've had a little too much to drink. Don't deny it people, it's happened to the best of us. You get to wondering what actually happened during those hours that you can't recall. What did I say? Where did I go? Who was I with? Did I steal something? These are all things that race through our minds the following day. The fear. One of the many things I hate about drinking. I mean the drinking is great in the moment and you always have the best craic imaginable but the next day you actually feel like you are literally about to die. Like everything in the entire world is out to get you. Once it was so bad I was scared to go outside. I don't know what the hell I thought was going to happen if, god forbid, I walk to the shop. Of course this is all part of the affects of alcohol. Yet, we still continue to drink. The human race confuses me once again. Time after time. No matter how much we've fecked up at the hands of alcohol in the past, we continue. Although don't people say drunk words speak sober thoughts? Gosh, I fear what I've been telling people. Meh, who cares. They were probably drunk themselves. See. That's the funny thing. We almost always forget that the majority of the time the other person/people were drunk to so the likelihood of them remembering is quite slim. Unfortunately for me, my friends have great memory after nights out...

I'll tell you a story. Last Saturday night, it was my friend's 21st, so naturally we all went out for a few celebrations. A few turned into a lot. Drink after drink. Shot after shot. My inhibitions rapidly worsened. Everything started to become a blur. I mean, I don't remember a lot after one o'clock. I'm not ashamed though (clearly, I'm telling this story to the internet) because I have not been so diabolically drunk in a very long time. Now, normally people go to the pub, drink or whatever, then (because they know they should sleep) they go home. My drunk brain does not have this rationality. My drunk brain decides that it's a good idea to go drinking 'down the 'nal' (judge me, I don't care) as we so like to call it. I had never done this before. It was a new experience. One that I only partly remember however. It was good craic, this I do remember. I recall that my brain also thought it would be a good idea to go paddle in the river. In my clothes. It a was a good idea. Until I fell in, so ya know, that was cold. I remember being cold. Then, if I hadn't already displayed myself as a gobshite, I decided to lie down in the grass and admire the buttercups, typical drunken happenings as you all probably know. Never in a sober state have I admired buttercups. I mean, they're only yellow. What does drunk me think is so pretty about them? I'll have to ask her. This is the extent of my recollection of Saturday night, it was a good time though. I had needed to let loose for quite a while and I think it is safe to say that I accomplished that task. So there you have it, my spontaneous adventure landed me in a hilarious situation. College has changed me I tell you. The amount of silly things I have done has sky rocketed since beginning. Between walking into shop shutters and sleeping against flower pots (all alcohol induced) I have enough stories to last a lifetime, why be embarrassed? Youth is sacred, it doesn't last forever. I could tell you plenty more stories (that have been recounted to me by others) but I'm not sure they're even safe for the vast space that is the internet so you'll just have to do without.

I also think it's interesting to watch other people when they're drunk. It's like you meet their alter egos. Sometimes it's entertaining, other times not so much. The stories you hear from drunk people are most definitely one of a kind. And I'm pretty sure extremely exaggerated. Oh my god, you jumped out of a plane without a parachute and didn't die? No drunk person, I'm almost certain you had a parachute or else you would not be standing here in a drunken state talking to me. (not a real story, just an example.). Also they always try to tell you they're younger than they are. You're 25? You have grey hair and wrinkles. Uh-Uh don't think so mister, nice try though. Some people are violent. I try to avoid these at all costs, I'm out to have a good time, not die. Some are absolute perves. No! You cannot chat me up person who is three times my age. Ugh. However, even if some of these memories can be quite disturbing for us, they can all build up to make pretty good story material and one things for sure, you'll always remember those times. I do laugh when I think about the crazy times I've had on nights out, sometimes I laugh at myself for being so ridiculous, other times I laugh at others for being so god damn entertaining. But hey, it's never gonna stop right? So why not embrace the mad and weird times? After all life's gotta have a bitta spice. Or else it's just plain boring.

While it's good to go out and have the craic with a bitta alcohol thrown in, I feel obliged to add that you should most definitely be careful when it comes to alcohol. Especially all you young'uns out there who've yet to find their happy medium. Don't over do it on the experimenting. Trust me, I've been on the wrong side of alcohol one too many times. It ain't too pretty. Go out, have fun, laugh and be silly. You're only young once, make the best of it while you can.

Inner Punk

Do you ever feel like just letting go? Just going off the rails for just a while? I do. Something inside of me just begs to be set free, I call it my 'inner punk'. A part of me that is suppressed for too long. Everybody has an inner punk, though many do not ever let it show. In today's world, it is socially unacceptable for your inner punk to reveal itself. We live in a world that has become obsessed with money and status, and people will stop at nothing to become the very best. Even if it means forgetting who they really are.

Today was one of those days, I decided to dress scruffier than usual. Clad in denim, ripped jeans, boots that have seen better days, multiple bracelets, necklaces, hair just thrown back, music blasting through my headphones, I set upon my journey across town to my Dad's house. I could feel eyes on me as I walked. I knew it was because of the way I had chosen to dress this particular day. It was not 'typical' attire for a young woman. I don't care. I was comfortable for the first time in a long time. That's when I started to think about it.

I started to notice how people dress to suit society's norms, not how they really want. They have become brainwashed by society. Children of the Celtic tiger. Always working to make more money. I agree, money is important of course, however, it is not everything. They start to mold themselves into people they think they need to be in order to succeed. They somehow get lost along the way. They start to forget who they were before they began climbing, and start to believe the life they've created. I hate fake people. Don't lose yourself just to become successful.

Personally if I suppress my true personality I feel less confident. I lose my spirit. An example, in the place where I work I have to wear a uniform, sensible shoes, hair tied back, no bracelets etc, etc. I don't like it. I feel like I can't express who I am. I mean, I can hardly go around looking scruffy or edgy while working. This is what has become of the world. Freedom of expression is restricted. There's not many places or people who accept certain looks. It's ridiculous. I suppress my style, I suppress my personality. These people will never know the true me. I'm not sure they'd ever want to.

All these restrictions annoy me. To think that I have to think carefully before getting a tattoo in a visible place because it may not be 'acceptable' in a working environment is bull crap. You don't know the meanings of them or the reasons behind which one may have gotten them. I have several piercings. So? What's that to you? It doesn't affect the quality of my work. Neither does my expressive personality. Stop buying into all these limitations that are created by society. Fight the demands. Be original. Not a clone.

I may dress edgier/scruffier than most girls. I may not spend hours on my make up. I don't wear heels and I don't like girly girl things. So what? I am who I am.  I don't judge people who are into those things, why should you judge me for going against the norm? For having the courage to express myself even though society may not be impressed.Who cares? I might look different or whatever but I still harbor the true values that have been long forgotten by many people, friendship, family, loyalty and freedom of expression. Where have they gone? The world is too organised these days. You'll find that the most successful people are often the ones who are not afraid to express themselves freely. These are the true heroes of the world. Don't be afraid to let your inner punk be free, even just for a little while.

P.S. I still love my cat.

A fear of flying.

I've had a bit of writers block for the past while in terms of what I should post about. Should I post about some nonsense that people don't care about but read anyway? No. Should I drone on about my problems to the world? Hell no. Should I write about work? Absolutely not (I've been there for the last six hours. Why would I want to relive it?). This post, my lovelies, is about my frustration in preparing to move to France for a whole year. Yep, you heard correctly. I'm off to France to study as part of my degree. I know you all think this might be thinking; Sure isn't that great? Living in France for a year. Well for some. These are all things I've heard when I've said I have to go to France. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm absolutely chuffed that I get to spend a year in the south of France. (Oh, the weather). But the organising is no walk in the park let me tell you. It's extremely costly too. How am I going to afford to eat? I've no idea, maybe the government's money will come in handy and buy me some bread. Who knows?

To say I was terrified about moving abroad for a whole year would be an understatement. Back in September it was grand, I mean it was a good 10 months away, no need to worry about it. But those months just seemed to creep up on my like a rain cloud on a summers day. Suddenly I was bombarded with decisions. Spain or France? Which city? Where will I live? How will I afford it? What airline? It. drove. me. crazy. I started to get anxious. I didn't know the answers to half these questions. I wanted to run and hide and come back when it was all sorted for me. I knew that this would never happen.

I had to make decisions though. (however bad I may be at it). So my destination for my Erasmus is Avignon, South of France. Is it the right decision? I guess I won't know 'til I get there. I leave Kilkenny  on the 29th of August. It isn't that far away. I'm excited, scared and sad all at the same time. It's a strange mix of emotions. I don't really know how I feel.

You never realise how much you've depended on people and things until you actually have to leave. I mean, it'll be strange not seeing my friends and family all the time. I can tell you right now that my friends are going to get extremely pissed off at me cause I will want to Skype all the time. I can see it now. I'm going to be homesick. This is a certainty. I'm going to miss my family. What will I do without the deep conversations with mam? Or the banter with the brothers? I'll feel so...empty.

I'll be back of course, as much as I can afford. I mean, I want to enjoy my year abroad but I also don't want to forget my roots. I don't want to lose contact. A lot can happen in a year. I have this ridiculous fear that I am/everybody else is going to change too much and I won't fit anymore. I won't know what to do with myself. Friends and family are such a central part of my life as is. What's it going to be like when we're in different countries?

It would be so easy for me to back out of this and just not go. I could back out tomorrow and it'd be all forgotten. But then I'd regret it in the future would I not? You always regret the things you didn't do. That's what I've heard anyway. There are so many reasons that could make me stay, some of them logical, some not so much. But I'm not a quitter. I'll go, I'll explore, I'll have adventures, I'll french it up a little. You never know, it could be the making of me. Or so my Mam says.

I'm not going to lie to you people. This is the most single terrifying adventure of my life to date and I'll miss everyone so much. No doubt it'll be wonderful. No doubt I'll meet great people and create life long memories. But in the end there's no place like home..

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.  - Mark Twain

You are what you write.

I love writing. I'm a writer, always have been, always will be. I get an idea into my head and I just gotta get it down on paper right away. A prime example. It is currently 1:30 am and I am writing a blog post, the idea came to me just as I was about to close my eyes for a good nights rest, but clearly my mind had other ideas.

Writing to me is like therapy to another. It releases emotion. I can create a world in which I can escape with just one touch of a pen to paper. A whole new world opens up and it can be whatever I want it to be. Once I start I just can't stop. It's an addiction. I feel free, like I can be whoever I want to be when I write. The sky's the limit. There's no rules on what you can and can't write. It's one of the few things left in the world that isn't restricted. I can be me.

There may be a lot happening around me, but when I write none of it matters. I don't hear or see anything. I'm present in body but not spirit. My mind is elsewhere. I'm engulfed in the new life I have created. The characters have become my family, their life has become my own. I've escaped. I feel, hear, see everything that I write. If I close my eyes it almost feels... real.

I write about everything, no matter how big or small it may be. My life becomes words which become sentences which become paragraphs which become pages. It goes on and on until I run out of material. It's never too long before I come across something else to write about. My mind is always ticking. The stories manifest in my brain before I can even comprehend what is happening.

I make mistakes, I formulate them into a story. I create a plot. I play it out. I don't like the ending. I change it. That's the best thing about writing. The thing that I love the most. You can write about all the things you've done wrong or the horrible things you've said. You can write them down exactly as they happened. Only one thing is different. You can erase them. You change them, make them better. Change the ending. And for a while, it feels right.

I achieve things. I celebrate with words. I make them into songs, poetry, whatever I might feel like writing. I write it. You can even elaborate on the celebrations, make them bigger than they should be. Nobody will bat an eyelid. Why? Because it's fiction. It's supposed to be 'out of this world'.

The excitement I feel while I write is indescribable. Unless you've felt it before you will never know what it's like. To finally finish a great piece. Something you've been working on for a long time. When it's done and dusted, it feels amazing.

When you get praised for your work. To know that people actually enjoyed reading something that you wrote all by yourself. Without the help of anybody else. That's real accomplishment. To know that your words have inspired somebody else to start writing, to follow their passions or to even begin to hope again, there is no better feeling.

To know that a part of you will always live on through your writing is piece of mind. To know that maybe your work may be passed down through generations, well isn't that enough for anybody?

You can say anything you want with words. There are no limits on creativity, put the pen to paper and just write, a story will be born. Everybody has a story to tell it's just about having the courage to find it. As William Wordsworth said 'Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.'

Writing. That's real happiness.